"Ehhh, what's uh... lol? Like an Mp3 player?"
"Naw, man, League of Legends. You're behind."
"Hey, do you have the afternoon free today? Let's go out."
"Mmmm... I should. Where?"
"The usual. You know how it goes."
"Hehehe. I got you."
"Hey, how did your calc test go?"
"Bombed the quadratics.... But everything else, I think, pretty good."
"You have quadratics in a calc test...?"
"Oh. Hmhmm. I gotta go to the bathroom."
"Look at him, he's totally going to go to the staff office and try something crazy."
"I know, right? What a lark."
Walk around a less busy area of the hallways so that when I smile at someone, maybe they'll smile back at me, just because they don't know me. Or because they're not busy talking to their own friends. The ones they'd talk to first if they had to choose between them or me.
Wish I could have a circle of friends to talk to. Seeing the people congregating around that one guy, the one who can make everyone laugh, the one who's better than anyone else. Thinking of something to say to fit in. Walking away.
Sitting at an ice cream parlour with my dad, wishing I were sitting at an ice cream parlour with my girlfriend. Oh. I don't have one. Just wanting to be someone who's not me. Just wanting to be better. Just wanting to be nicer. Just wanting to be less weird.
Talking to my friend about girls. Why do we always talk about girls? He's talking about how he wants to get a girlfriend. Why would he want to get one? Shouldn't he like... bump into one on a busy street corner in Chicago or on the "down" elevator when she's going down and he's trying to run up? You don't get girls. You realize.
Talking about life late at night with myself. Wondering if I'm an idiot who counsels himself about how to live life and not procrastinate. Thinking about God. Does He care? If He cares, does He care about the people who spit in His face with poisonous words? What are poisonous words? Do I speak those poisonous, blasphemous words? Sure, yeah, sometimes.
Yeah, he cares. Just got to find out how. And sometimes, it's nicer not to have everyone. Just someone. Or just Someone.
3 comments:
Removed by author :C I texted you.
You know me, yet you don't. And I just wanted to say that this...all of it...is everything. I only removed that last comment because, well, I was in truth embarrassed. Don't worry, I'm not some sketchy, vulgar unknown. Nope, just me...
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