Wednesday, December 25, 2013

idylles.

They sat together on the love seat, his hands gently caressing her.
      "I don't usually talk to you, except to scold, but have I told you... you're the most beautiful thing."
You have, on many occasions.  I've never reciprocated.
      "These are the best times."
Yes.
      "You listen to everything I say."
You listen to none of what I try to say.
      
   Silence.  Ears adjusted, and the gentle tick of the clock cracked the sphere of quiet each second.  
Computer hummed along with her.

He stroked her neck with one hand, leaning to kiss her forehead.

   The clock sounded: seven thirty exactly.
      "I'll see you in nine hours."
Mmmmmmmm.

As he opened the front door, a blast of cold wind seeped through and wrapped her fiercely in its embrace, made her open her mouth in surprise.

He looked back

      "Good girl."

She looked up

meow

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

11/26/2013. dear elsie.

Hello.  Do I know you?
Wrong question, sorry.
      I was going to write... For the time being, just to you.  I don't know.  One of my friends tried to commit suicide the other day.  Life is precious, idn't it?  Wanted to help but, I was more angry than concerned.  Can't people see they only get one.  You only got one.  Too short too.  I'd trade... A lot of things.

      I got six days until a lot of things are over.  Don't quite know what I'll do, though.  Life right now, it's just a cycle.  I waste hours doing absolutely nothing in the right way, then I sit up at five in the afternoon and it's all gone.  Then I start to scramble to finish everything.  It doesn't happen like that when I do things with people, but I suppose that's how everything works.  Peer encouragement pressure sort of idea?  Life is as bland as you make it.
      Do you think it's in human nature to eat other people's food?  Ask God for me, please.  It's... 11:26 on November the 26th.  We could have been here, together, for... stuff, you know.
      So I stopped robbing myself.  It felt alright.  Then it felt a little weird... Can't quite put my finger on it.  Not emotional robbery, no.  But it was sort of... Physical and mental, without being emotional.  Hurt.  But it was on a really shallow level.  Eights are out this week.
      Do you remember, sometimes, when neither of us had the gall to speak to each other and it'd go on for weeks, just because we were afraid of being overly eager?  Sometimes, I wish we could just have doggy mindsets and do doggy things in doggy ways, except be toilet trained.  That works out, doesn't it?  I'd much prefer dog than cat in personality trait.  But you know, we're cat people.

Have fun in heaven, Elsie.

Signed:
Eisle
For:
elsie, 1913 to 1964.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

guest post #2 - [apple]crumble.

Her dad had been sick for a while. It seemed like a long while. Was it only for the past five months that she had been travelling to see him three times a week? But those 20 hours a week seemed such a big commitment – packing up lunches and the kids and arranging for dinner when she was away from home. For a while she had felt trapped. Why couldn’t they just put him in a nursing home and have them take care of him? Why did her mother want him to be cared for at home? That meant rearranging life.

This time when she visited and asked him how he was doing, he told her a story. She could see by his earnestness that it was important to him. He really wanted to tell her about what he had done earlier in the week.

“I went to see the doctor.”

“How did that go?”

“There was water.”

“What water, where?”

“Outside.”

“Oh, a lake?”

“And animals.”

“What animals were they?”

“They were…..there. They were by the water. They were in a group. They…”

“Were they geese?”

“They were together..”

“Were they ducks?”

“They were...”

He stumbled for the right words. He had never had this kind of difficulty telling a story before. He was frustrated…It bothered him that he couldn’t tell her what he had seen.

She was puzzled…and sad. She had known he wasn’t doing well. Perhaps for the first time, she wondered for how much longer he would be with her.

She tried to pick a new topic; something that they could talk about without him feeling bad.

“Dad, it’s Valentine’s Day today. I baked some brownies that I brought over to share. The girls helped me make them.”

He nodded, not comforted really. He knew something still wasn’t right and he remembered he couldn’t speak what was on his mind.

She knew, too. They sat together and watched TV.

An hour passed…or was it two? It was time for her to get ready to go…but wasn’t there some way she could connect before she left?

“I love you, Dad.” She couldn’t remember saying that to him before.

He paused, looked up and said, “I love you too.” She didn’t remember hearing those words before.



After all, it was Valentine’s Day.

                        - Equinox

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

workday.

"Censure me in my leisure, and awake your senses. ... No.  That doesn't sound right.  I can never remember when I need to."

Morgan turned toward me with an incredulous look, an awful smirk etched carefully on his face.  "That is, em, masterful, sir.  I must salute you for, em, managing to copy Shakespeare by misunderstanding and misquoting his work.  Truly, truly."  He struggled to keep his face straight.
      "Really, Morg, I can't do this.  How do I write something... like this... for anything... like this?  Eh?"
"It's a ruddy obituary, Sam.  Don't.  Use.  Shakespeare.  You'll regret it."
      "Mmmmm... mmm.  I can't.  I'--"
"Yes, you're having an existential crisis.  Don't deny it, man.  As Richard the Third said, em, 'chop off his head, man.'"
      "You scrub."
"Ah, us scrubs, the intellectual garbage of the news world.  Love it."
      Out of a sudden urge to act out a movie scene probably found in most modern romantic comedies, I crumpled the paper up, stood up to throw it into the waste basket, and stubbed my toe on Morgan's table leg.  The office buzzed with suppressed laughter.  Morgan smiled in an utterly condescending, charming way.
"At least, sir, I do my job with integrity and surety; I'm a perfect, em, scrub.  You got some work to do though."
     
      "Scrub."
"It's due before lunch break."
      "Oh."

Saturday, July 13, 2013

blue backpack.

"Don't move." The lights flick on and the door of the room snaps shut.

She freezes, fingers gripping the blue backpack on the table in front of her. Her back is to the door.

With slow, measured steps, the man walks around the table until he faces her. He smiles when he sees her face. "Angela! What brings you to my dining room at four in the morning?"

Her lips twitch twice before forming a tense smile. Digging her fingernails into her palms to stop their trembling she rests her elbow on the backpack. "I left my graphing calculator here. I needed it for a... assignment due tomorrow and..." Mind spinning wildly she laughs, trying to dispel the tension that hangs in the air between them, thicker than her mother's lobster bisque. "I was pulling an all nighter! You know, college is tough! I didn't want to wake you so I figured I'd just sneak in and grab it."

The man's brow furrows, "You have the key?"

Angela twists one of her long blonde curls around her finger. "Yeah! Hannah gave it to me the other day when we were working on homework. She said it was just in case of emergency, you know?" She grins widely.

"Hannah, gave you the key? When? Hannah's been away all week. When did you leave your... what did you say? Calculator?"

"Yes, sir. My calculator. I left it a week or so ago but I guess I didn't need it until now so I forgot," she says, sliding the backpack over her shoulder. "See you another time, Mr. Judson!"

He takes two steps forward and grabs the backpack as she turns to leave, "Not so fast, Angela." The zipper breaks as he tears it open and dumps the contents onto the table.

Three bananas he had bought the day before. A teddy bear that Hannah had outgrown. A blanket from the downstairs couch. A roll of paper towels  and four spoons from next to the sink. He didn't recognize the rest of the items. A ziplock bag filled with dozens of plastic frogs. A box or crackers. A jar of applesauce. A picture frame, lying with it's stand in the air.

He reaches down and flips the picture frame over to reveal a laughing little girl with strawberry blonde pigtails and dozens of freckles. He looks up at Angela - red hair tied up in a ponytail, freckles scattered across her nose. Tears stream down her cheeks.

She darts forwards grabs the crackers and the teddy bear and runs out the back door.

The little girl in the picture smiles up at him from the wooden picture frame in his hand.

Friday, July 12, 2013

unused.

      Angels, angels and demons.  They mock me.  I am the in-between, the unused, the neglected, like torn fringe on a petticoat.  But they do use me.  I am the secret hiding place.  For meetings in the dark, for lovers in their shameful visits with... They use me.  Imperfection after imperfection I harbor.

      This is well.  I am imperfection.  We will blend
well.  Together we make up a constant denial of the ideal, the perfection.  We loathe it.  We loathe the mediums of glamour and brightly shining, shining, shining...... perfection.  Get it away from us.  Burn.  
Quietly.

      Anger?  We have it not.  Guilt?  We have it not.  We do not live in this place.  We are this place, and the imperfection permeates it, but not us.  I.  Burn.
Us.

      Mercy, let us drink.

Saturday, July 6, 2013

caffeine flashback - 1.0

Inward gazing, mist hazing.
Life erasing, babes chastising?

No.

      Sullenly, I crumpled up the paper and threw it at the waste receptacle.  This was an awful way to start three hours of the so-called "relaxed song-writing time".  Sitting in Caribou, nothing left to write except awful words that wouldn't fit anywhere.  I realized I'd missed the rubbish box.  "Have to get up, too."  This phrase, muttered under my breath and followed with a sigh, was quite supposed to be a private statement.

"No, I'll get it."

"I'm sorry?"

      She stood, picked up the offending article, and placed it deftly inside the bin.  I realized I'd used three different words to describe a trash can.  Why...?  For both actions.

"Em, thank you."

      Smiles are the funniest things.  They can brighten your day, they can let you know that you no longer have to sit up straight since you won't be hired anyway, they can inspire you, they can make you walk into poles.  This one... was everything except one.  Guess.

"I'm sorry, I guess you didn't notice me staring at you.  I was sitting next to you and I couldn't help but notice...  Stephen?"  Her hands twisted together nervously.  My mind was doing the same thing, but more out of confusion.

"What?  I, I mean, yes.  You are...?"

"Oh you know me!  You don't... I mean you don't remember, but you do!  Really.  You know me.  Mmmm."

Mmmm.  That was familiar.  I'd picked up the habit from her.

"Julie?"

This was the walk-into-poles one.

"Yes."  


Monday, July 1, 2013

long - 1.3

"This has been our world for countless years now.  You and I, Hero, we do not notice the mortality of those who are... mortal."
"I notice.  I see them die.  I-- wait.  I am mortal."
That smile.  "Well.  That may change."  Don't look, don't look.
"Look."  It was no friendly suggestion.
"Keep... going."
A map slid out from under the table, conveniently into her hand.  The microwave beeped.
"Ah.  After we partake of this innovation I stumbled upon weeks ago."
The package says... Hot Pocket?
"Yes, I believe that is what humans call them."
"And you dragons would eat this?"
"We are wyvern formes, Hero.  And I enjoy this quite a lot.  It says, ground beef.  I quite like a cow."
I laughed.  Why did I do that?
"Thank you."
"You do know though, they are extremely unhealthy."
She gasped.
"Oh, no.  No.  I've been trying to cut down the excess around my chin, here..."
Don't look.
"Yes, don't look."  She blushed.  I looked.


"Sorry."
"No, I don't... do you find it repulsive?"
I stared at her, worrying at the excess fat that clearly wasn't there, pulling at her chin.
"Uh.  No.  I don't."
"You don't like it!"
"No, no, yes, I do!"
She smiled.
Why did I... "Oh.  No."

Saturday, June 29, 2013

6/29/2013. dear elsie.

      Remember when you were an awful person, Els, and all I could do was try to, well, play along?  But then I realized, I had my bad days too.  I was going to be there for you.  Just a little bit late, as always.  Me, I mean.
      So, the uh, new glasses; I got new glasses.  They're funny.  Sometimes they stay and sometimes they don't and I have to cremate them to make them fit.  That probably wasn't right, but I like that word.  Enough news and reminisce.
      You know what people don't like to talk about that's always there?  Anger.  Festering anger.  Festering.  I like that one too.  I gave my name to the lady at Starbucks today and she looked at me as if to say, "Well, well.  Another one of... those."  Not sure what she meant, but I was, well, angry.  But just a bit.  Not festering.  I wasn't actually angry, ha.  One of those days when you're not sure if some hotshot celebrities aren't Christians, haha.  What defines work?  I worked a whole day.  I played RPG's the whole day.  However, that is my occupation.  Therefore, I worked a whole day.  Logic doesn't apply.

      Oh, honey bunches of oats.  I didn't fold the laundry yet... it's sitting behind me [glumly.]  My mum just walked by and said, [roughly translated, I'd just tell you in Chinese but, you know, I don't want to write pinyin] "Wow, you still haven't folded the laundry?  Duck sauce."  Duck sauce being a substitute for, you know, that.  Mhmm.

      Guess.  What.  I didn't complain about women today.  Your lucky day.  I'm one hot tomato.  But you know, I'm actually planning to in just a little bit.  Have fun in heaven, Elsie.

Signed:
Eisle
For:
elsie, 1913 to 1964.

Thursday, June 27, 2013

always.

“Then I have no will to live. Life is purposeless, meaningless.” He ran his hands through his perfect hair and looked dejectedly away.

She struggled to keep any signs of laughter from her face. “Really, now, Gregory, that is unfair. I had no idea—”

“No idea?” he interrupted her, standing up and taking her hands into his. “Geneve, I thought I made it perfectly clear from the Winter Ball that I had every intention of asking you,” he said, peering into her eyes.

“Darling—”, his eyes looked hopeful as the name of endearment slipped out. “I mean, Gregory,” she said, pulling her hands and taking a few steps closer to the window. Being sensitive to a longing heart was much more difficult than she had imagined. “I had no inkling that you could possibly have wanted to ask me that question.” She looked outside into the night sky. The thousands of stars cast an enchanting glow over the little lane that was a little ways off from the cottage.

“How about I start again?” he asked, as he instinctively moved closer to her. “Dear Geneve, you mean everything to me. You are the world – terrible and beautiful, ruthless and kind. You are the strongest person I know – I’ve never seen you cry or break down. You taught me the joys of loving and giving and hoping. Won’t you let me receive – just this one time?” As he gave this last request, he took her hands in his once more.

She looked into his eyes. They were clearly full of love, clearly full of every good intention, but, alas, they lacked what she needed most. Sparkle.

She sighed. Not answering him, she walked towards the large box on the small table. Opening it, she took out the ring that lit up the lackluster room. It was gorgeous. But, even more than that, it was an expression of the progress that Gregory had made. He had gone from a boy who couldn’t dare to dream above his situation to a young man who would work hard to get what he wanted. Unfortunately, she couldn’t say yes, though she loved him dearly still. She knew that the previous heartache that she had helped to heal would be nothing compared to the heartbreak that he would feel after tonight. Only the knowledge that he was strong enough gave her the courage to turn to him.

“Greg.” His eyes had never left her. She took a breath and continued, “Gregory darling, you know I care for you – deeply and truly. Remember that, always. I’m not sure if you’ll be able to bear the sight of me after we part ways tonight, however, I want you to know that this cottage will always be open to you. Always.”

Pleading. Hurt. Anger. The emotions displayed on his face would haunt her for the days to come. He started to speak, but then stopped. She closed the gap between them, put the ring in his hands, and briefly touched her lips to his cheek. “There, there, darling. Always remember.”

As she stepped back, his ruffled emotions won out over any concern for her feelings. Harsh words were spoken. She took it gently, not saying anything in defense. He ended by accusing her of being heartless and emotionless – devoid of the ability to cry because she couldn’t love.

She didn’t move as he walked away from her. She didn’t stop him when he put the ring back on the table. She didn’t say a word when he left the cottage. But, when he was gone, she walked towards the door and stood in the entrance of the little abode. As she stood there, the stars were reflected in a sparkle on her finger and there... on her cheek.

look.

"Be still with me."

      Soft blades of wind spent past the tunnel entrance, propeller seeds wafted along by them, scattered in front of the hole.  Rinna knelt slowly, her fingers gently embracing the last dandelion, inevitably wilting, alive but waiting, waiting to die.  Clocks began to tick inside her head.  Her mouth formed a small "O" as she turned and saw the frigid, angry storm clouds forming in the distance.

      "Ben.  Ben!"  No response.  It was always like this; too late, and why?  Because

      A dry lump formed in Rinna's throat as she peered into the tunnel, greeted by an unlikely object to her face - a - what was it?  "Boo."  Up, away, out of the tunnel it flew, one single
balloon

      Ben's voice startled her - she'd thought he was still asleep.  Looking up, she caught the double sensation of the mischievous sparkle in his eye and the ceiling of the tunnel knocking against her head at the same time.

      He smiled

   She didn't

      "We need to go, now.  Come on.   And, don't do that again."
             "Do what?"
      "Scare me."

      Ben's hand closed around hers.

"Be still with me."
   "But...!"
"Rinna."

            "I left the casserole in the oven."

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

jim.

Little girls in bright dresses run around the yard. Flower children. The boys are in one corner, plotting some game with a stick and a ball and a hoop - fighting over details.

He sits alone.

His toe makes a line in the dirt, then another, two dots. A smile looks up at him. He smiles back.

"Jim," he says to the smile, "I'll call you, Jim."

Jim just smiles.

The boy draws a house for Jim and a pony with a cart. He draws him a whole smiling family with a little bow on the youngest sister's head. There is a pile of candy canes and a piano with carefully drawn keys. Jim smiles at each new addition. The boy smiles back, wider and wider.

"Whatcha doin, loser?"

He doesn't answer. 

The older boy laughs at the pictures, "Baby! Come and show us if you're actually good at anything worthwhile!" With two kicks, Jim and all his things are wiped away in a pile of dirt and the destroyer runs back to his friends.

Alone again, the boy sits and stares at the place where Jim once smiled. Then, he gets up and hobbles away on his crutch, sniffing back the tears that threaten to betray his weakness.

Why, Jim? Why? Why couldn't you be stronger?



Monday, June 17, 2013

runaway.

“Do you like to dance?”

“No.”

“I saw you once… dancing in the rain when you thought no one saw,” he says trying to catch the delicate hand, laden with sapphires and pearls.

“It wasn’t me.” Her hand slips through his fingers and she fixes a stray wave of amber that has escaped her intricate braids.

“Who was it then?”

“I don’t know.”

He touches her arm but she jerks away and turns toward the window. Tears burn hot in her eyes but they do not fall. She does not let them.

“Please, Cecilia. Dance with me.”

His hands close around hers. She does not look up at him when he leads her to the middle of the floor and spins her around but a single drop traces its way down her cheek.

When the dance brings her close to him again she whispers, “I have a story to tell you.”

“Tell me.”

“Once there was a girl who no one truly saw, they thought they did but they only saw what they wanted to see and not what she truly was. They told her what to do and what to say and how she must live out her future. And one day, she could not stand it anymore so she decided to leave, to run away. To take on a new name and new life. She never came back.”

“Cecilia –“ She holds up a finger, stopping him.

“It’s Joan now. Maybe you’ll find me again one day."

She kicks off her shoes and runs out the terrace door.


He looks for hours but all he can find is a strand of pearls, abandoned under a maple tree.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

frustratii.

Excuses, excuses, fading into the darkness darker than black
  nails scratching against the blackboard remind me of dying screams.

Do we need to watch what words we say in our mouths and in our heads?
  it is just mumbling made up by fallen humans.
    Is it?

Christopher Columbus was actually Cristoforo Colombo.
  they gave him a Latin name to boost his status.
    What?

How do you connect this and that when your head doesn't screw on the right way?
  it goes on counterclockwise.  everyone else's goes the other way - the right
    Way?

This is no time to be thinking about that subject, these persons are talking about those things.
  but this is boring.  there is nothing for you here.  relinquish your command.
    Or else?

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

6/11/13. dear elsie.

      I don't know much anymore, Els.  I just can't reciprocate the way, you know, I'm expected to.  Or the way I think I'm expected to.  I think I can, but it's more of a matter of actually executing.  Speaking out, yeah?  Wish I was Irish.  You had some Irish blood, didn't you?  But... every time I get, you know, close, I just sort of... stop working.  Working the right way.  It's really annoying.  I think she thinks I hate her, really. Or am sort of ambivalent, is that the word?  I'm not.  I don't hate her.  I really, you know... I really enjoy time with her.  But I... ugh.  This is awful.  This whole thing is awful, putting vocal noises into writing is awful, I've got an awful procrastination tool right now which I really don't need.  It's all awful.  Just, bah.
      Well, anyway, I met a man today, his name I can't recall because I never asked for it, but I loved his hair.  It was awesome.  Indescribably awesome.  How indescribably awesome?  I'm having a hard time describing it.  He was cool.  I have sweaty wrists, what's up with that?  Oh, I got a haircut.

      I can't decide whether to tear my whole work apart or just half-ass it the whole way, or week, now it is. And you know my new justification for using the word ass?  It's not original.  If God can use Balaam's ass, he can use yours too.  Quite enjoyable, mmm?  I don't know, I just... can't figure out where to go with life.  I hate being so young.  It's a bother.  That haircut?  It was avant-garde by my mum's standards.  Not mine.  I wanted to shave the whole thing off.  Silly delusion, suppose.
      Indubitably, I just had start my new paragraph off with a razzle-dazzle word.  You know what I mean?  Can't be using "I" and "And" and all that.  I think I'm finished.  Yah.  I didn't spill anything.

Signed:
Eisle
For:
elsie, 1913 to 1964.

inspired tomorrow.

Tiny heart
Stuck inside yourself
When will you open up for me

I love you so
I wanna meet you again
Before one of us must go

Your lips touched every hand but mine
If you choose me, I’m waiting for you
Always waiting

Tiny heart
You're not by yourself
When will you recognize the beat

Of my own heart
Grieving in your hand
You crush me when you run that way

Your lips touched every hand but mine
If you choose me, I’m waiting for you
Always waiting

You will never know
What you have done to me
You will never know losing love from me
And you will never know a single day alone

Tiny heart
Stuck inside yourself
When will you open up

Your lips touched every hand but mine
If you choose me I’m waiting for you
Always waiting

- (c) F/L.  

Sunday, June 9, 2013

august night.

He laughs, the sound bouncing off the vaulted ceiling of the entryway with booming echos. So loud. Oops. He shuts his mouth firmly and grins apologetically, awkwardly. The girl across the doorway smiles, nervous hands twitching her skirt back and forth.

"Be back by curfew," says her father.

"Be safe," says her mother.

The boy nods and shakes hands with both of them. His palms are clammy and his heart pounds but he tries to be firm and confident. The father winces. Too confident. He lets go quickly and smiles, trying too make it apologetic and not too bright. The father smiles back. Thank God.

The girl opens the door and they walk down the sidwalk, her shoes click clicking, his a muffled thump step, thump step, thump step.

The silence is long and uneasy, both of them grinning like that can make up for the missing words.

"Do you like cotton candy?" "I've never been on a roller coaster." Their words cover each other.

More silence.

"It's all right, you can, go ahead."

"No, you. What about roller coasters?"

Hesitation stretches long as he turns at the light.

"We should go on one."

"Okay."

Saturday, June 8, 2013

vial.

The vial in her palm glitters like a gem when the light hits it. Beautiful. One drop and he's gone forever, never to hurt her again, his words cutting deep into her heart. One step and she's at his door, at his unsuspecting side. One moment and revenge is in her grasp. Revenge for her baby girl.

Footsteps, soft and padding down the hallway, coming closer. Her fingers close tight over her secret.

"Mommy?" The little boy looks up at her, his big gray eyes filled with tears. "Mommy, I falled over the kitty." He holds up his pudgy hand, marked by a tiny red scratch.

She bends down and gives him the kiss he wants to make it better.

"Why you in front of Uncle Eddie's door, Mommy?"

"Nothing, love," she says, dropping the vial into her pocket and picking him up. "Nothing."

Worthless, the voice in her head tells her, worthless and cowardly just like he always said. Good for nothing, beggar girl, seductress, liar... he was right about you. Right about Leah. You're no better than him - about to be a murderer.

"No," she says, the word leaving her lips without her meaning them to. As they pass the window, she reaches into her pocket and tosses the vial into the night.

"Why?" says the gray-eyed child. "Why no?"

"Because we're going to prove him wrong."There is a determination in her voice she didn't know she possessed.

"We is!" says the boy. "We is a win, Mommy!"

Thursday, June 6, 2013

wishes of a lifetime.

      Spin me round again
and close my eyes.  Will it be today that I find the tongues to speak
   to you
      perfection
and imperfection.

      Wedding rings
kindling in the raging fire.  Are we one of the rotten ones
   with
      no end
in sight or hearing.

      Just say
goodnight and go.  I can't believe the paltry
   excuses
      you give
actually convince me.

      Hypothetically
the clock ticks.  But this insensitivity you and they
   show me
      takes
too much real time.

      Dead
we are.                                                                                  heaven
 


fleeting shadows.

Clouds in the sunlight make whispering shadows
Mystery shrouded in grey tribulations
Brilliant beam to confusion and sorrows
Hearts cry in pain, a vain protestation
Love turns to doubt and trust turns to fear
Making a heart that is covered with frost
Smiles to pain and wishes to tears
Lurking in darkness, someone is lost
Which part of me is the me that I know?
Which is that part I should try to let grow?

manly.

where are you going, little man?
your head is in the clouds
it seems.

come back to sense, little man.
the chlorine clogged your ears
it seems.

cry out all your tears, man.
i give you my shoulder
it seems.

i didn't want to, but
it happens suddenly,
it seems.

come to my arms, little man.
tears, emotions, screams, angers
i'll take.

just remember the good
but relish the bad to learn
you must.

- Yoda [wrote the last line]

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

mistakes.


“Hi. I’m looking for Mindy Hills,” I squeaked, my voice rising an octave higher than usual.

He looked at me, his eyebrows furrowing as his gaze swept over me. White blonde hair, falling straight and smooth from my ponytail, blue-gray eyes with eyelashes so pale they were almost invisible, narrow face and nose slightly smaller than it seemed it should be – He knew Mindy and he saw the resemblance. The almost perfect resemblance. We had been mistaken for twins many times but I was older by 11 months and 17 days.

“You’re Josie.” It was not a question.

I nodded, rubbing my sweating palms against my jeans.

“Get out of here,” he said, waving us toward the street. “Don’t come back!” His voice was powerful but quiet. He didn’t want Mindy to hear. She was inside the house.

“Please!” I said, grabbing his hand. “Let me explain!”

“Shh!” he hissed, slapping my hand away. “We want nothing to do with you. Nothing. Get out. Out of our lives. You said you weren’t coming back three years ago. Keep your word.”

I backed away and bumped into Haley who squeezed my arm.

“Do you know what it’s like?” she said to the man.

His nervous eyes went from me to her and back again.

“Do you know what it’s like to live on the run? Constantly moving? Terrified that they’ll find you?”

“They should be finding you, or at least her. I don’t know about you. But her –“ he gestured dismissively toward me, not making eye contact with either of us. “People like her are mistakes. Problems. The government gets rid of them for a reason - to protect the rest of us. I don’t know if you’re like her but if you aren’t, get away from her. Far away as you can get.”

Haley’s eyes flashed as she stepped forward, passing me the bag so she could stand taller without its weight.

“Mistakes are we? And whose mistake? Is that our fault?”

The man shook his head and stepped farther inside, his hand on the doorknob.

Haley stopped the door with her hand.

“What if you had a baby,” she said, “what if your child was a…. mistake?”

He slammed the door in her face.

song of the dead.

your black tears 
will drown out
the cold sun

this world will never
end until you have 
died with it

the air is thick with our dark desires
smothering my voice.  please
have done

forget me in my wrong
too late i said the right 
thing, left too late

the glass splinters
the winds fade
we have stopped




Tuesday, June 4, 2013

minus one day.

      Waves lapped at Cara's feet as she dangled them off the ledge, eyes closed.  Hhhhhhhhhhhhh.  "Sounds of silence."  Her lips stayed apart, letting the sibilant words echo off the cliff walls, through the musty air, onto the waves.  Fighting for dominance, sounds.  Scapes.  Escape.  A single butterfly weaved through the air, purposeless.  Through the air, through the sound, alighting on the ledge next to Cara.  Motionless they sat, clinging to the ledge, with no sense of desperation.  One push, and she would fall.  It was no matter.  She would not.

      Kh.  Khhh.  Hhhhhhhh.  One seagull pecked at the rock, found... nothing.  Eyes closed.  "Assassin.  Rose petals.  Concrete."  The seagull's wings folded.

      Raynor smiled as he saw through the fog, a shape, a beautiful shape to behold.  Oh, how her stillness enchanted the sea.  He took off his shoes, stepped forward, toward her.  Sat on the ledge next to
a single butterfly.

      They sat here on the days where nothing went on, where nothing could go.  Therapeutic, she called it.  He could think of nothing else.  Today would go.  "I am no man."  "If you wrong us, shall we not revenge?"  "Hell is empty and all the devils are there."  "Come, gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down all unkindness."  He handed her her daily cup of tea.  "Cara..."

      "Raynor."

      "Please don't say my name.  And finish your sea."

      "Sea?  C?  See?  Not tea?"

      "Drink it."  The glass drained.  Cara felt
something against her tongue
cool and smooth

a pearl
ring

i will

Monday, June 3, 2013

A Song Divine - Preface & Chapter One

PREFACE

       This is a story of divinity. Or, of something divine. Or, someone divine. It’s a story of progress and love and falling and learning. It’s a story – what more can be said about that?

       I know how the story ends. I mean, I’m the author. Sure, it’s a work in progress, but it’s pretty predictable. Even as an author, though, there are certain things that I couldn’t see coming. Things that sorta swept me along and took me for the ride. Things that made me regret past choices and things that inspired future ones. But, the interesting thing about this story is that I’m not the only author.

       This story is not only mine. It belongs to another – it is written by another. Co-written, I guess you could say. But, then again, we had no idea.

       I shall write this story in the way that I wrote the handful of works of fiction that now line a single shelf in my bookcase – chapter-by-chapter. Only, there will be one thing different between this one and the others that I’ve managed to publish: this one is non-fiction. And, though I think I know the ending, the rest of the story remains, as of now, unwritten.

       But, enough of this. I never liked reading prefaces, anyway. Onto the first chapter. Titled, appropriately…


CHAPTER ONE: IN THE GLADE

       You see, it all started out on a mid-June afternoon. It was a Wednesday. Heh. Who would have thought one of my most life-changing events would occur on a Wednesday?

       I was taking a walk on a trail in a seemingly undiscovered and undisturbed forest that circled around a part of a lake. This was not my first time venturing out there – I had walked these woods before in search of inspiration for my poems and bits of writing. However, it was the first time I was not alone.

       I hear… strums of a guitar? There – non-lyrical singing. Is it singing? Perhaps my mind is playing tricks on me. Insects buzzing away, birds chirping, squirrels bounding away into the inner recesses of the forest. It could be– Oh, no, these strands of music could not be the sounds of the forest, for– there again! I hear a guitar. Most certainly.

       I walked closer to where I suspected the source of the music was coming from. Unknowingly, I strayed from the trail in my eager search for whoever had dared to enter this forest that I had come to view as my own. As I got nearer, the singing became clearer. It was a girl’s voice. There were no words to her song and, yet, it was spell-binding. Finally, I reached a clearing in the forest. And, there, not twenty feet away, was the goddess whose music had entranced me. She was, well, gorgeous. In the fullest meaning of the word. Her hair was the lightest blonde I’d ever seen, falling to her lower back and all around her, and she wore a light, summery dress – creamy lace and white folds of fabric loosely enveloped her body. She wore no jewelry. No shoes. She was peacefully strumming her guitar and singing. Still hidden in the outskirts of the forest, I considered sitting and sketching her or at least writing of her ethereal beauty. She could’ve been a cursed nymph in a fairytale, perhaps forced to live in this unknown forest because she had refused to do what the gods had asked. But, like all fairytales, this one was about to be shot to the ground by the acute arrows of reality.

       There was a buzzing around my ear… I tried not to move as I didn’t want to attract the attention of the girl in the middle of the glade. But, it got louder and louder and finally, I waved it off. Five seconds later, I felt a sharp pain on my ear. “Ouch!”

       The girl looked up. Spotting me, she got up quickly. Her eyes met mine in a brief moment and I didn’t move. She smiled, turned, and then… ran in the opposite direction. What. just. happened. My mind seemed to spin and, caught in the magic of the forest, I ran after her. For what reason, I did not know. Perhaps I felt that I could do things here that I couldn’t do in my office in Manhattan – things I couldn’t do, or things I dared not do. However, I was no athlete and, after several minutes of trashing through the forest, I realized I was merely following a shadow – it was a hopeless chase. The forest looked untouched before I had ran through it, so it was easy to find my way back to the glade by retracing my previous trampled-out “trail”.

       As I walked back to where she had been sitting, I noticed that she had left her guitar behind and realized that she would definitely have to come back for it. Silly me. I should have known… She clearly couldn’t have run through the forest with it. I picked it up. It was an old guitar, but it had probably cost a fortune in its prime.

       “Do you like it?”

       “AHH!” I screamed in a man-like manner and quickly spun around, nearly dropping the guitar. How she had managed to sneak up on me, I would never know.

       She chuckled. “That’s my guitar.”

       “Oh. Yes. Um. Here you go,” I stammered, clearly embarrassed, handing the guitar back to her. “I was just admiring it.”

       “Ooh, do you play?” her voice was low and husky – in a soothing, beautiful way.

       “No. I… never learned. But, I love music, and, I think it’s the poetry of sound.”

       “Ahh, spoken like a poet. You are, aren’t you?” she asked, smiling. I nodded, slowly, not understanding how she could completely captivate me with just a few words. She was short, but made you feel like you were looking up to her. She was beautiful, but in a different sense of the word. Her hair was whispy and long, her eyes were a haunting deep brown that promised the world, her smile – her smile. It was kind and playful and serious, all at once. She looked to be no older than twenty, but she seemed wiser than her years.

       After a couple of seconds that seemed to stretch into eternity, I realized that I was staring at her. I blushed. Then, I realized that my ear was stinging from something. I put my hand to it.

       “Ouch,” she said, gesturing to my ear. “That looks like a bad sting. Hmm… I don’t have any ice, but I do have a cold sandwich.” She dug into a picnic basket that seemingly just appeared there, and produced a sandwich in a ziploc bag. “This is a bit chilled because my picnic basket is good at retaining a stable temperature. You can’t get baskets like this anymore,” she said in a proud sort of way, as she handed the sandwich to me.

       “Thank you,” I said, taking the sandwich from her and awkwardly holding it to my ear.

       She laughed at me. Suddenly gaining courage, I asked, “What’s your name?”

       “Antimony,” she said, smiling.

       “Antimony?” I repeated. “That’s an interesting name. I’ve never heard it before.”

       “Well, thank you... I think,” she laughed. “And you are…?”

       “Oh. I'm George.”

       She regarded me for a moment. “Hmmm… I don’t like it.”

       “I’m sorry?” I asked, puzzled. “You don’t like my name?”

       “Mmmm… you should be ‘Mark’. Yes. Mark. Can I call you Mark?” she looked up at me with a twinkle in her eyes.

       I didn’t quite know how to respond. “Uh. Sure. Why not?” I said, slowly.

       Smiling, she took my other hand and sat me down. “Tell me, Mark, what brings you to this part of the woods?”

       And thus began the most wonderful conversation of my life. I felt at ease and happy. The pain in my ear began to subside until I forgot I had even gotten stung. It seemed as though her wild, free spirit rubbed off on me as the hours went by. Every worry, every care, every ache left my mind and heart as we talked and talked. Even as the shadows grew longer and the air got cooler, we continued to talk about everything – favorite books and fruits, philosophy and poetry, my awful case of writer’s block, my habit of sticking to trails and the deep of the forest and her love of the openness of the glade and the freeness of running wild… And then, I realized the time.

       “Wow, it’s late. I think I need to go now. I’m staying at a friend of my father’s and it would be impolite to get to their house at an ungodly hour,” I said, standing up and stretching.

       “Aww, wait. Let’s look at the stars a bit,” she said, pulling me down with her as she looked into the sky.

       I allowed her to rest her head on my shoulder as we both gazed at the stars in silence. After a few minutes, I spoke. “Did you know that–”

       “Shh! Not so loud!” she laughed, softly. “Think about the millions of people who have looked at these stars, generations and generations before us… Think about what they must have been feeling… Perhaps the stars were a comfort to travelers who journeyed far from home. Perhaps, people thought…” she continued to whisper of the marvel of the stars, but I could only think of the marvel that was beside me. After a few minutes, she stopped whispering and closed her eyes.

       I turned my head gently to look at her face. She was so still that I ventured to whisper very quietly, “Did you know that– that you are one of the most gorgeous people I have ever met?” I observed her face. She didn’t respond. I continued, “Did you know that I’ve had so much fun during this afternoon with you? That I have learned so much from just being with you?” Her eyelids fluttered. I, unfazed, continued. “Did you know that I am hopelessly and utterly in love with you? Did you know?”

       My eyelids closed as I put an arm around her.

       I awoke to the birds singing and the sun’s rays shining through the deep of the forest. I was alone. Antimony was gone and so was her guitar and basket. I sat up and saw some light reflecting off of some plastic about a foot away from where I sat. It was a water bottle with a ziploc bag next to it. Inside the bag was a note.

       Hey, Mark. I didn’t want to wake you, but I had to leave early.

            Anywho, you know how we were talking about your writer’s block? Well, like you said, this is the perfect place to get inspiration. You said you usually sit in the middle of the forest? Try to sit in the middle of the glade next time. Blaze a trail of your own. Run wild. New perspective, new insights.

            Also, you said you had fun and learned things? Be sure to write it down. Write a story about what you learned from yesterday. Write, write, write, my dear. And while you write, I’ll be singing. In the glade.

       xoxo,
       Antimony

       On the other side of the note were ten digits and a “Call me, maybe ;)” scrawled next to it. I smiled, picked up the water bottle, and jogged into the forest. Consciously avoiding the trails, I listened, hoping to hear once more the strains of a song that seemed to be frozen in the timelessness of yesterday. Hearing only the sounds of the forest, I glanced at the note in my hand, looked up, and broke into a wild run.

Saturday, June 1, 2013

paraflox.

      "Comfortable?"  I rubbed my hands surreptitiously together, making sure they weren't sticky, then placed an arm around her.  The low light of the carriage helped disguise my blush for a natural face colour.  Nothing to see, just, normal.  Yes.  She smiled and glanced at my face.  "Now I am."  I paused. "Oh."  That was positive, yeah?  Well.  "Anyway, nice to meet you."  Leaning over, she whispered into my ear, "We've been married four days.  But I knew you for twelve before that.  Twelve years.  Take a deep breath."
   
      In, out.  Deep.  I cleared my throat.  Her dress rustled on the floor as she shifted her legs.  Everything was just so acute.  I needed to calm down.  "Em, so I searched up belligerence the other day."  She looked up.  "Sorry, what?"  Speak in a higher register.  Just speak normally, relax.  You've done it before.  But you've never done this before.  Shut up.  "I... looked up a word you told me to yesterday."  My voice cracked.  She smiled.  "But that wasn't quite what you said the first time?"  "You didn't hear what I said the first time."  "How do you know that?"  My eyebrows folded.  "Well you said, 'sorry, what?'  Or something to that effect."  Again.  She smiled.  Oh, that smile.  Her head fell softly against my arm.  I felt tall.

      Her voice broke the silence again.  "Hey."

      "Yeah."

      "I love you.  You know that?"

      "Yeah."



Friday, May 31, 2013

prologue.

"I will keep fighting against the god of this world 
until my arms have been blown off and my feet will not carry
me"

1904.  London.

      Rats whisked past the inscription, which had been etched deep down in the brick of the alley, forgotten by time and human warmth.  It was a wide road, once used as a route for carriages and whatnot.  No more footsteps sounded.  A deserted corner.  No more footsteps sounded, except his.  He whistled softly at the rats, holding a kerchief forth.  Crumbs fell from cloth silently, the clicks of the rodents' claws growing louder, fading away as they finished and returned to their shadows.  His steel-toed boots clicked against the floor as he walked slowly towards the wall bearing the inscription... And faded into the brick stone.

Thursday, May 30, 2013

-eciate.

      Some people will disturb the peace of every day, their opinions tearing holes in my heart intentionally and unintentionally.  Their opinions will relish my vulnerability.  They will sink in their bloody teeth eagerly, ravenously.  And they will be right to do so.  Because I know they are right.

      Some people will hurt me more than others, their words doing so much, meaning so little.  It doesn't sound the same to me, the way it does to you when you write it to me.  You meant well, but perhaps I see it as a path to bloody my own nose.

      I am a wounded animal.  I splash water in the fresh cuts so it stings.  Stings me.  Hurts me.

            I am words.  I will break you.

      It's all about me.  My pain, my unhappiness.  Listen to me.  Jeer at me.

            Throw your tomato juice at me.

I am your Consciousness.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

apollon.

They sat together on the rooftop.

"Days like these are long.  Not much to do, mm?"  The Thin one exhaled softly.  He had a peculiar dimpled face; it was a boyish cute face.  His side-swept bangs ruffled his eyes as the wind caught between the strands.

The Tall one sighed, longer.  Louder.  "You want to go down to the docks?"  His crew-cut fought with the gusts of wind, struggling to stay immobile.  He flexed unintentionally.

Thin adjusted his glasses, leaned back, said, "I'd rather go over to your place."  He blushed.

"Not for my sister, you don't.  We could just go to the station, see where that takes us?"  Tall frowned.

"Alright.  I have... eight dollars.  You're paying."  Thin rose, his knees cracking painfully.  He groaned.  "Must've gained weight."

The Tall one smirked.  "After you just implicitly harassed my sister by turning red after suggesting we go to my house?  Fat chance, baby girl."

"Oh, shut it.  We're both adults, aren't we?"  The wind blew.  "... When was the last time you went to the bathroom?"

"This morning."


Wednesday, May 22, 2013

cumulus.

      When my thoughts are clouded, I will be turned to hear the whispers of indecision.  Are they whispers of evil?  No.  They delay the good until such a time that the good cannot and will not be done.  Defiance is forced against my teeth, yet it is not defiance, but confidence.  Confidence that my indecision, my clouds, will cover the light shining the way until too late.

      Too late, and I have fallen into the great swamp of my own folly.  O, injurious murder is my sin: I wish.  Instead, the swamp forms from the smallest of mistakes made by my own white lies, so many white lies that the palette is no longer white, but grey, black.  Burnt out.

      Defiance clashes with defiance.  My body is weak.  How will I find peace?  How will I run from the sorrow of my swamp, my lies?

      There is a light shining in the dark.  I will never reach this light.  Until I blow away the clouds.  Until I blow away the cobwebs.

      One Breath.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

blemish - 2.3

Character List: The Artist | The Lady | The Commissioner | Henrietta | Louise | Firo | Gray

Henrietta paused as the door melded shut behind her.  “Louise?” 

“Yes, my lord.”

“You are… behind that door.  With two others.”
Louise’s eyebrows knitted as she frowned.  “That should not be, my lord.  What makes you say so?”

“What my blemished Likeness sees, I see, Louise.”  Henrietta stepped forward, reaching for Louise.  “Tell me.”
The maid smiled.  “You are quite perceptive, my lord.  This time does not come for many until their own dust ages.”

There was a seam… running across her face.

Her head opened.

Thousands upon thousands of wires: metal, formed the structure for the skin-muscle shell of Louise.  It was like looking at an intricately woven mannequin.  Henrietta reached forward instinctively, pausing inches from the metallic frame.

"Please, look inside." Louise's voice intoned, having taken on a distinctly metallic quality.

Will I break the structure if I move them?  It is of no consequence.  Henrietta smiled, pushed through the... there was nothing.  She brushed strands of metal apart.  All there was to be seen...

Was black.

Sunday, May 19, 2013

attack.

A dream is where your heart seeks comfort
It is a more fragile thing than your life
You can abandon it, but will always find it again
So then, sleep in peace

My pulsing rage 
Defiles the wishes I harbor
Before I forget them
Only to remember again

In this beautiful cruel world
What will we protect
With our strength and weakness
If reason and logic do not hold true

(c) 進撃の巨人.

Friday, May 17, 2013

blemish - 2.25. reality.

Imagine a Traceless Dimension.
No matter how you try to picture it in your mind...
No matter how vast and immeasurable your mind tries to become to imagine this world...
It remains... Traceless.
In this Dimension, Time stops.  
The Space moves; but Time stops.
You cannot flow in the Traceless Dimension.
You can exist, but you cannot continue. 
There is no Time, but there is Space.
Will you live forever?  Perhaps, yes.
How long is forever?  Infinity.
Infinity is Time.  Time is stopped.
You cannot live forever.
You cannot go backward.
You cannot go forward.

To continue :: to start Time.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

silic.

I Have a Dream.

It is a quiet dream; the water is going all around me.  But I can only know it rushes because I feel the waves going around my body.  I hear nothing.  Is it ocean water?  It tastes sweet.  There is no air here, not enough for me.  The surface is light with sun.  I am close to it.  But I am not dead.  When will I go up?  I have to go up.  I cannot see the end of this water.  It goes on far.  Even with the light of the sun I cannot see.  My head is hurting.  I am sinking.


Tuesday, May 14, 2013

sisters.

They hadn’t stayed long in the kitchen when it was time to put things away. Seeing the plates and silverware, Chloe promptly sighed. She felt overwhelmed with the work she still had left to do. Out loud, she hastily asked, “Do you mind if I go upstairs?”

Bethany and Tiffany were obliging. While they too had work to do, they felt no inclination of doing it. Their work could wait, they figured. They stood up, easily stacking the dishes and closing the lids of the jam and peanut butter jars. Glancing at each other, both wondered who would wash the dishes.

“I can wash,” volunteered Tiffany. She wasn’t exactly eager, but like always, if something was expected of her, she would do it willingly.

Seeing the chance of a competition, little sister Bethany quickly picked up the sponge. “Not if I get to it first,” she silently remarked. She began wiping the plates and forks, while Tiffany cleared the dishrack. They had made a happy compromise. Tiffany started singing.

“This is the song that never ends… it goes on and on my friends…”

Bethany joined in, “Some people started singing it not knowing what it was…”

“And they’ll continue singing it forever just because!” Laughing, they both were thankful for the fun times they could have.

Monday, May 13, 2013

guest post #1.

Starting a new series? Yes, of course! Guest posts. Not self-explanatory at all.

Connection of Two Hearts 
It was two entirely different hearts composing a beautiful harmonious song. Rejoicing, these hearts clung closely. No turbulent skies or depressing company could affect the sheer delight of this complete true love. The aspect of true love, being sometimes confusing and mysteriously thought provoking, has left many a person either shattered or enlightened by this sacred gift from above. How is it then, two individuals can experience this same feeling, yet one ends in catastrophe and the other en wrapped in happiness? Feeling love is those warm shivers, soft blushes, the all together glow of ones eyes, and light-hearted smiles, but "feeling" love can never last; for feelings such as these are merely human instincts set off by the interactions of persons with a natural attraction towards each other. True love, on the other hand, comes from deep within the soul when two people are drawn together by the miraculous threads of destiny. By no means, do I mean to imply this love occurs by mere chance. I simply say it was written by the artistic, purposeful hands from above. The complex beauty of true love, I hope, will continually inspire mankind.

Initialed: - FJS

Saturday, May 11, 2013

blemish - 2.2

Character List: The Artist | The Lady | The Commissioner | Henrietta | Louise | Firo | Gray


Gray.  Gray!  Louise focused on the tear in the wall.  Small panels of paper began leafing off the wall, a thick sound akin to books in the wind; forming a figure.  A hulking figure, not human.  Much less, and much more.  The papers formed solidly, the last sheets closing.  Black, lifeless eyes opened.  He was giant.

Firo backed slowly, his hand on the doorknob, not knowing he had no way of escape without the seals.  Louise stood still.  Louise.  Louise.  A bead of sweat rolled down Firo's forehead as he concentrated, mostly in terror.

Louise.  It's a rat.  It's bigger than me.
That is Gray, my lord.  The maid lowered her head.

"Whatsit?"  Gray's voice was metallic, mechanical.  He had a curious accent, Firo thought... An accent like what a North Londoner would have back at home.  Accent?

"You can... talk."

The rat sighed.  "Get on with it.  What happened, Louise?  Why is this human seeing me?"
"He is not your concern, Gray.  You are.  There was... one of those."
The papers rustled as Gray's mouth crooked in a rancid smile.  Louise was hiding something.  "One of what? Hmm?"
"Gray."
The smile vanished.  "Just tell me."
"There was an overlap."

Overlap?  Louise.  What's that?  Tell me.
My lord...

Louise turned to face Firo.  The metallic, grating sounds began again.  Firo looked up.  There was a seam... running across her face.  "Louise?"

Her head opened.

Friday, May 10, 2013

long - 1.2

The doors swung shut behind me.  This was no time to be caught off-guard.  Sword unsheathed itself.
"Please, put that down."  The wyvern king boldly turned her back to me, gliding towards... a microwave?
The back of her dress was too low-cut.  
"I wore it for you."
Confusion.  I ran my hand through my hair.
"Hold on a minute, I'll just... fry something here."  She placed something in the microwave, turned, smiled.  I blushed.  Hadn't meant to do that.
Okay.  Don't look at her.  "How do... you have microwaves?  That's human technology."
Another smile.  Don't look.  "Look, please.  Well, I call this the heat ray.  It was a gift from one of my generals.  Quite more efficient than using heat spells, mmm?"
"Mmmm.  I see.  And... how many humans did he kill for that?"
She was close.  Too close.  Too... her eyes searched for mine. 
"Right."  No.
"Yes."  She matched my pace as I stepped back.
"No.  Stop.  I can't."
"Can't?"
"You have killed my people.  How can you be you?"  Slender, delicate, sinuous... beautiful.
"Thank you."  She blushed. 
"Oh.  No."
Her lips parted.  "There is reason to this war.  War may destroy some, but it sustains more than it destroys."


"What?"

Thursday, May 9, 2013

enka.

      Summer scents waft the air as she reclines against the wicker pillow.  Her hand sweeps down slowly, slowly, dipping into the pool, sending vibrations deep through the crystal black water.  Two silver pins adorn her head, brilliant against the sky and the sun, whose rays and temperaments swirl about across her face, her face: unparalleled.

      Seeing a willow through the water, she casts off her heavy garments, leaving but her raiment, disappearing into the water.  It is dark; but there is much light around her.  Down, spiraling, until she reaches the willow.  She reaches out, faintly brushing the tinged, smooth bark.  The colours meld in a beautiful myriad, red, black, white, gray.  She wonders, why red, today?  Pressing close to the tree, she imagines its sorrow, of why it was named such, named a weeping willow.  There is a chirp.

      Her gaze falls upon a small sparrow.  He is motionless, save his beak.  Blue.  Why is he blue?  Is it not red, black, white, gray?  She smiles.  Something out of place.  Something like her.

"Yo, yo. --"

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

surreel.

      It was... I was surrounded.  Great white sharks, circling me slowly, waiting for the first sign of fear, they were.  No more.  No more would I see my dear friends and family.  Shouldn't it be family and friends?  Well.  To our work alive.  What do you think of marching to Philippi presently?  I do not think it good.  Because... I am no narwhal.  I can fight no sharks.  Ooh, they're scary.  Blood.  Don't show fear, and don't bleed.  I have an open cut from last week.  Did I put a bandage on already?  It's on.  I can feel it.  Focus.  Relax.  Roll the shoulders back, roll with the punches, and punch them back.  Yes.  FOR A RED DAW-

"Sir?  Sir."

I started involuntarily.  A gnarly hand rested lightly on my shoulder.  "Yes!  I'm here!  What seems to be the problem?  Eh??"  Don't panic.  Get... ready... they'll pounce any minute.  Oh.  "Oh, I'm sorry!"

"Your audition was to start six minutes ago, sir.  You've been sitting staring at the keys vapidly for quite some time now."

Did he just say vapid?  Me, vapid?  Really.  Couldn't he find a better word, like... facetious.  Or maldovish.  Or thunderbolt-like.  Oh.  Wait.  "Audition?"

"Yes?"

Monday, May 6, 2013

a_sence.

      The sun rolled further down in the sky, lazing over a city block as he basked in his own warmth.  He adjusted the thermometer down a little: 5,502 degrees Celsius.

      "It's much too early for you too be up like this, sun.  It's only eleven in the morning."  I sighed.  Walking down twenty blocks from 63rd in this blistering weather wasn't particularly enjoyable.  It was these mornings that I took time off... But I'd used up all the sick days for this year last year.  Bother.  "Bother."  It made more sense when I said it out loud.  I sounded like one of the main male protagonists in one of those reverse harem role-playing games.  Well, why not.  I cleared my throat, remarking, more to myself than anyone else, "You... You're not hurt, are you?  If you... If anything had happened to you, I'd... I'd fall in love with you."  I glanced up and caught the gaze of the lady walking across the road, who immediately averted it.  Why had I chosen such a quiet intersection to relieve stress?  "Bother."

      "Morning, Missus Lumkee."  I always had to stop thinking "lumpy" when I said the name at looked at her hair at the same time.  "Stop smiling, stop smiling."  I muttered.  "I'm sorry, Mister Fung?"  She'd heard?  Well, I could pass it off as a careless comment about my own behavior with absolutely no relation to her hair.  "Oh, nothing.  Beautiful sun out today, isn't he?"  She smiled painfully.  "Mister Fung, you're eighty minutes late."

      "Oh, fudge."

ocean.

Oh sorrow, i think you are my self
i call my tears my ocean, my home
No. Sorrow gave me order of exile
but i will break it

My ocean’s answer
is salt of tears like my tears
My ocean is where i swim
but beams of sunlight float

Floating on sun over ocean is heaven
Swimming in exile is earth
Weeping while hoping in light
(that dries all tears) is home

Friday, May 3, 2013

baton-tachi.

"When we encounter the people in our lives, that's no coincidence.  There's a plan for you to influence that person's life, for better or for worse.  What are we going to do?  Are we sitting and waiting for the life to get sucked out of us because we dared to say no to Vitamin B12?  You'll be an influence, and you will be influenced.  This life isn't going to wait for you."

"When we see the justice going on in the world and spit at it in our self-righteousness, that's no coincidence.  There's a plan for you to see those rusty, hellish glasses you're looking through.  There's a plan for you to smash them.  You go to Burger King and try to get only the healthy things on the menu?  Don't go to Burger King."

"When we speak words and think different words to other people, that's no coincidence.  There's a plan for you to speak truth, when you realize the destruction your lies can cause.  I told my friends I'd love to hang out with them the same time I screamed at them in my mind to leave me in my shambles, alone..."

This life isn't going to wait for you.  

But it's hard to change.

Thursday, May 2, 2013

what #1. interviews.

What to do for an interview.

FOR THE HANDSHAKE
1.  Make sure your hands are as warm and non-sweaty as you can possibly make them.  As a friend of mine used to say, just use talc.  Talc keeps your hands dry, rough, and manly.  The handshake is much like the Harlem Shake - either you win, or you don't.  Either you do the Harlem Shake, or you don't.  No?  No connection?  Moving on.
2.  Firmidity.  Make sure your interviewer is pleasantly surprised by the energy imbued within your hands; try to outdo him, but only by a little.  It shows your competitivity, but only by a little.  Like you won't take his job in five years, you'll do it in ten.  For her... (meaning female interviewers) just off a bit.  Let her win.  Females like it when they win.

FOR THE EYES
1.  Ah.  You must show intensity within those deep pools.  Intensity enough to show that you will take his job, but in ten years, not in five.  Intensity enough to show that customers will not sass you, but will still be able to complain [quietly and respectfully, lest they be beat to pulp].  Intensity enough to show that you mean lots of good, good things.  You, the person.  As an employee.
2.  It also helps to have eyes that change colour often.  I mean, if you're looking intensely at your interviewer and your eyes change colour, you WILL get the job.  No bout.  *Doubt.  Being someone whose eyes fundamentally cannot change colour, I wouldn't know if they do that in daytime during interviews.  But... if you're lucky.

FOR THE RESUME
1.  ...lolwut?  << None of that.

Otherwise, just smile, speak like a boss (but still subserviently, but with authority, so he knows you mean business, but not that much business, like you won't take his job in five years, you'll do it in ten).  
DON'T: 
a) wear earrings or glasses [for men] || 
b) drink, smoke, or snort || 
c) flirt || 
d) make bodily... noises you will regret making in public, because your interviewer IS the public. 

And you know... if you work with customers:
The customers are angels.

unspoken.

The feeling you get when you write an email and decide not to send it. The feeling you get when you think of a birthday present for someone but never buy it. It’s because of precaution.  ‘Better safe than sorry’ the saying goes. Who knows where our words will land on the other person’s heart?

But I wonder what the world would be like if we always told people what we really thought? A lot more would be ugly. A lot more of hurt would be caused, I’m sure. But for the good things, should restraint be applied there? I hear a tongue shriller than all the music cry, ‘Yes, even there.’  Timing is crucial. So is the motivation behind our actions. Yet I mourn for the lost words of things unspoken. Instead, packed away in the hidden memories of eternity, they reside. 

May the Lord redeem the thoughts of His people.

dangerously.

It is dangerous to try to be alive
when all around is obligation.
Life takes time,
though time needs life--
or else once-scarce, desired freedom
becomes voluminous and hated.

Hate is a shortcut past trouble,
a beaten dirt path that sidesteps pain.
To love is to offer your life,
hold yourself up,
saying: what is here is worth something,
prickly though it be.

it.

      Building, building, always ready to speak, to strike, to redress.  At the tip of my teeth, it quivers, raging against the offending lips that hold back the thousand-tongued lash that must fall upon my enemies.  My enemies?  Its enemies.  Knocking softly, insistently, gently, violently, at the left side of my brain, thinking of ways.  Ways it can smash.  Grind into dust.  Maul.  Not physical bodies, no.  Spirits.  Crushing the life of another from the inside out, leaving them a shell, a victim.  Savoring the shivers of the defendant as he is culled into unwariness, then beaten quite senseless.  "Your hair."  "Your face."  "Your eyes."  "Your clothes." "Your speech."  "Your behaviour."  "It's all... so dead."  

      Have you felt it?  It is careful not to show too easily.  It leaves small dents in your body.  Out of the spirit, the body withers.  It leaves marks all over, marks only time cannot heal.  It is anger.  It burns.  It festers.  It rots from within.  It spawns from negligence.  It spawns from fear.  It spawns from death.  It spawns from wrongdoing.  It spawns from misunderstanding.  From the negligence, anger.  Out of the anger, negligence.  A wheel, never ending, until... 

      Have you felt it?  I've felt it.  I've felt the anger of other people.  I've felt my own anger against other people.  It is ugly.  Rid me of it.  Please.

Gollum.

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

4/30/13. dear elsie.

      Today, I went out and grew out my hair, Els.  Well, not today, but over a period of time.  If I try really hard, I can cover both my eyes and I look like a mushroom.  I was going to write in May, but I just... felt like writing it now.  I'll write in May too, not like I'm not writing at all.  Right.  How's Ursa?  It's probably nice to have her there, was a bit of a surprise for us when she went up to live with you instead.  Still, at least you have company from down here.  
      Nope, haven't gotten the call back yet.  There's four or five people vying for the spot, so I'm pretty sure I'll get bumped.  I don't mind, I'll just keeping looking for stuff.   Yah?  
      I actually told myself not to tell you to come back.  Must be pretty nice up there, worshiping God all the time and all.  I'm being selfish, yeah... but I think you went a bit too early.  Well, I started again.  Mmmm... I'm trying to decide whether life is worth doing.  Like, for a bunch of years.  But you told me to keep it, so, suppose I will.  Thanks.
      So I took the baseball bat to the computer.  Well, actually just rebuilding it, but uh... you know.  That kind of thing.  I'll let you know later.  Oh.  The firm's doing horrid right now.  Boss is using a totally rubbish business model.  I got acc[here, the text is obscured by some unidentifiable blackish blob.]


Accepted, sorry.  It was blueberry muffin.  You're favorite.
*Your.

Signed:
Eisle
For:
elsie, 1913 to 1964.

keep running.

why give in now?
when you you've made it so far?
why give in now?
when you can feel the hand of God in the damp air?

why give in now?
when the lush spring flowers beckon you to smile
and you don't know what else you could ask for?
why give in now?
the end is not yet in sight
but hope assures us of things not seen.
so keep running.
keep running.

Monday, April 29, 2013

blemish - 2.1

Character List: The Artist | The Lady | The Commissioner | Henrietta | Louise | Firo 

"-ord.  My lord."

Henrietta's eyes snapped open.  How had it been?  She reached forward, her hands falling upon a silken fabric; a dress.  Louise's hands met hers.  They were soft, malleable hands.  A stark contrast to the cold, hard steel Henrietta sensed under the skin.

"My apologies, Louise.  Perhaps my body is not ready for the Time enough."
Louise inclined her head.  "I will ensure your safety, my lord."
"Thank you."

Smiling again, Henrietta stood, placing a hand against the wall for balance.  She felt... more frail.  The smile wavered.  "Let us go see the next venue then, shall we?"

-----------------------------

The screeching pierced through Firo's ears.  There was a metallic quality to it; something less than human.  Much less.  The black faded.  The door was closing.  The familiar fabric of Louise' dress was disappearing through the door.

Where's she going?  "Louise!"
"Yes, my lord."  The maid was next to him.  The door shut.
"What... where did you come from?"  His eyebrows knitted.
"I was merely closing off the strings behind us.  You did wish to leave the Commissioner?"
"That was his name?"
"Yes, my lord."
"But didn't you just close that door?"
Louise's jaw tightened.  There hadn't been an overlap before.  She hesitated.  "No, my lord."


Friday, April 26, 2013

c_t.

She climbs onto the sheets
Deep, unfathomable
Eyes gaze across the room
At plushies and teddies.

Shaking off the summer's heat
She settles, finding a dent
In the impenetrable
Comforter.  Eyes close slowly.

Ruffling in the wind
Her fur won't lie flat
How, her ears wonder,
Will she sleep?  A bit.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

trauma – 1.3

When she woke up, she saw the sun glistening through the window. She felt sore, but well-rested. Where was she, though, she wondered.

A nurse in flower-print scrubs pushed aside the curtain that surrounded her bed. “Good morning, sunshine! How are you feeling, Natalie?”

Natalie gave a crooked smile. “I guess I’m okay. I survived,” she added hopefully.

“Is there anything I can get for you? There’s someone waiting to see you.”

Perplexed, she paused to think. “Is it Tyler?”

“Yes, believe that’s the gentleman’s name. I’ll send him in when you’re ready.”

Not five minutes later, Tyler was seated by her bed in one of the uncomfortable-looking visitor chairs. He witnessed a bandaged face with a bright smile beneath it, but also an exhausted body that lay immobile on the bed.

“Thanks for coming.”

“Of course.”

“There’s something I want to tell you, Tyler. I originally asked you to come because I didn’t know if I was going to get through. You know, live. But now that I know I’ve still got some time, I really want my life to have meaning. Time lost is never found. Use today as if it was you’re last.”